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The Ethics of Love and Sex Magick


When you speak about Love, Passion, Lust or Sex Magick, you will get a variety of different answers. To be honest, when it comes to Magick, you will always receive a list of do’s and don'ts from people. Is lov

e and sex Magick ethical? Personally I say yes, but I would add that we have to be specific about what we are talking about. Dominating the will of another person is completely different to a spell aimed to attract new love; which is totally different to using oils in the bedroom to kick start a lacklustre sex life - and let's be really honest, we all engage in Glamour Magick on a daily basis, from the donning of perfumes, the use of makeup, doing our hair; and the question we have to ask ourselves is, who are we really doing this for? 

Most would answer that they do it to feel good about themselves, but in reality it has to be seen a certain way by others, and there is nothing wrong with that or any judgement cast. However, let's not kid ourselves here, we are changing our outer appearance to produce a certain effect, which is much like casting Magick to intentionally change the world around us to produce a certain effect.

What is Love Magick?

When we talk of Love Magick, what we are really talking about is increasing our chances of meeting our next great love, or ‘the one’. It's rarely about a specific person. And when it is a specific person, Love Magick will only work if there are feelings which already exist between two people, those feelings are being enticed, teased or stimulated.

I carry no judgement with those who try to make a specific person fall in love with them, nevertheless, one must always be careful with this practise as love can easily become obsession; and much like the person who feels their partner is only with them for their money, those who use Magick for a specific person will turn their own loving feelings into insecurity, and question why that person is with them. That in itself creates a whole can of worms.

If your only reason for using Love Magick, be it for opening up to Love or for a specific person, is because you feel insecure or lack self belief, then criticism and toxic behaviour will dominate your relationship!

Whilst I believe ideas such as “people will only fall in love with you when you fall in love with yourself” are toxic, which can cause people to only experience deeper or more entrenched forms of self loathing, I do believe that using Magick to help heal our heart as an aid in self love, to be a good starting point!

Love Magick as a tool for self healing

It's hard to imagine that any of us are not walking around with some form of love wound, whether it's Mother/Father Love, Self Love, or a broken heart. We all need to at some point heal our hearts. Too often we find it easy to love others but the concept of self love becomes a dirty word!

Often self Love is confused with conceit or vanity, which is perverse at the surface; but when you begin to delve beneath the surface you start to discover that the people who taught you that self love is bad, were only wanting you to stay dependent on them!

“No one will ever love you like I do”, apparently that includes you, because you need them for self validation and esteem, right? Wrong. This is just a form of emotional abuse; one that we all must heal ourselves from, and part of that healing has to involve learning to love the self. We can use Magick and Ritual very effectively, alongside reflective journaling and Shadow Work.

Rose Petals, mixed with Hawthorn Berries when brewed into a tea with honey added, can become a potent tool for healing stuck emotions in the heart, as well as allowing trauma to be released. Burn Copal Resin, Lovage Leaves and Lavender for healing love, finding beauty and opening your heart to self love and you have the beginning of the perfect ritual. Throw in some Dove’s Blood Ink and Sigil Work and you could be falling in love with yourself in no time.

Ritual and Sacred Sex Magick

We live in a time of changing attitudes towards sex and sexuality, but many people who claim to be spiritual will share beliefs around the body and sex that still reek of Victorian prudism. Some say that certain sex practices are taboo or psychically/energetically damaging to the self. I vehemently disagree. Just as you may choose to use protection to prevent an STI or pregnancy, we can use Magickal protections to aid us in sex. Better yet, we can engage in Ritual Sex Magick.

Whether it's tantric or Western Mystery Tradition, there are a slew of Ritual Sex and Sacred Sex practises that you can engage in. Here we are stepping beyond the bounds of mere pleasure, not that this is a bad thing either. We are using sex and sexuality to unify ourselves with that which is sacred, it becomes a part of the Divine Work.

Beltaine for me, is definitely a time for me to engage in Ritual Sex, be it solo or with a partner, I will invoke Cernunnos and allow him to walk within me. The power generated during these moments are truly profound and illuminating.

We could say that Ritual Sex Magick, at its core, is about using our co-creative sexual energies towards a specific Ritual Working, and for the most part I would agree. However, sex and sexual energy can be immensely healing and transformative, as we can use Ritual Sex Magick to clear energy blocks, rid ourselves of self image issues, and we can even use it to heal ourselves from depression. It all comes down to where you direct that energy!

Of course, if you engage in solo self pleasuring, you can use your climatic moment to release any intention into the unmanifested realms to birth your desire into being. Why waste that moment for pleasure alone when you can use it to do great acts of Magick?

And if reading that last paragraph caused you to reel in disgust, ask yourself, where is shame around your body and its natural functions located? What wounds do you cling on to and disguise as piety?

I can tell you that incredible sex and Ritual Sex Magick did more for healing the shame I experienced as a gay man than therapy ever could; and certainly more than the misguided attempts at authors to write an approximation of self help books on healthy Gay Love!

Acts of Ritual Love and Sex Magick

We have a tendency to over complicate life, we certainly do the same with Magick and Ritual. It doesn't have to be much, a little Incense, something spicy - Cinnamon mixed with Arabic Gum, the use of Essential Oils like Galangal and Ylang Ylang. Maybe starting with Massage. 

Ultimately it comes down to presence and total awareness, feeling the energy build within you. It is not about holding it in either. Thanks to certain Gurus and Celebrities, we are holding in our Ejaculate as some form of Spiritual Act, but it is about conscious direction and awareness.

As I release climax, so does my partner. We direct that explosive, orgasmic energy toward a specific goal, or towards each other. Them into me, me into them; to heal, to bring balance, to deepen our spiritual connection. 

Love Magick can be equally simple, as you sit or stand in front of the mirror, take your favourite perfume or scents, imbue it with Magick of beauty and Self Love, and spray. As you spray, see the reflection of your own true beauty in the mirror - BOOM - you just did a low level Glamour Magick!

Still not convinced? Give your lover a dozen red roses and see that sparkle in their eyes, and guess what? That's Magick - And on that note around the ethics of Love Magick, each one of those little gifts you are giving, you are subconsciously and at times, consciously trying to elicit certain feelings from them. So let's not paint it blue and call it purple! We all engage in manipulative Love Magick at times. Some people are just more honest about it!


Love and Sex, let alone when Ritual and Magick are involved, can be complicated and at times a grey area. We often confuse idealism and moralism with attitudes of shame and repression. Projecting onto others our own thoughts and feelings around sexual behaviour, which is then presented through a lens of Magickal Ethics.

More often than not when talking about Love Magick, people tend to focus on the manipulative, and ignore the expansive, transformative and liberating aspects of Love Magick as a vehicle for spiritual and emotional evolution. Let alone ignoring the ultimately redemptive aspects of Ritual Sex Magick to push us beyond the fragmented aspects of the self, into the Gnosis of Unity through Sexual Interactions.

Whatever your moral or ethical stance on such matters is, remember than in Magick there is no clear, cut or distinctive right or wrong; there is only what you, as an individual and as a Practitioner deem acceptable of your own behaviour.

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